The Speech You’ll Regret

Apologizing Is Not Enough

February 13, 2025

Apologizing Is Not Enough

We’ve all had regrettable moments when our emotions override our judgment, causing us to say uncool things and make situations worse rather than better.

Then we either:

  1. Refuse to acknowledge our mistake and hope the other person forgets it. (Spoiler alert: they don’t.)

  2. Admit our mistake, apologize, and hope for forgiveness. (Spoiler alert: that’s a weak response.)

  3. Apologize, do some uncomfortable self-reflection, figure out what’s going on in our own heads that led to the emotional override, and work on fixing our own shit.

You may have heard the saying: “A vision without a plan is a hallucination.”

Here’s the twist for this post:

An apology without self-reflection is a hollow gesture.

Without digging deep and addressing the underlying cause, we’re bound to make the same mistake again.

The Speech You’ll Regret

Joe was furious. Another mistake—one he considered inexcusable—had pushed him over the edge. As I walked up, he was unloading on an employee, yelling in front of the entire team. I pulled Joe aside, got him into his office, and told him to grab a cup of coffee.

When I spoke to the employee, he was livid. “Beau, can you imagine what it’s like to be screamed at by your boss in front of your coworkers?” I told him I could and tried to smooth things over. That’s when I learned the full story—his daughter had broken her arm, needed surgery, and he was drowning in stress. His mind wasn’t on work, but on how to pay for the procedure, missing time from work, and everything else piling up on his shoulders.

Back in Joe’s office, I explained that no one got hurt, no customers were lost, and maybe there was more to the mistake than he realized. I urged him to apologize. He refused.

A week later, three employees—including the one Joe berated—quit. They found new jobs, deciding they didn’t wat to work somewhere they might get humiliated in public. Joe was placed on a performance improvement plan after complaints hit HR, and three weeks later, he was gone.

Here’s the thing—everyone makes mistakes. You, me, your team. If you can’t handle that without losing your mind, you have no business managing people.

One of my favorite quotes sums it up:

"Speak when you're angry, and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret."

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